


Uncanny Accuracy of Fate One-Shots

by generalwastedisposal



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Foster Care, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Suicide, Other, dealing with mental illness, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-15 02:02:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11220966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalwastedisposal/pseuds/generalwastedisposal
Summary: Some smatterings of Pippa and Cami's lives together, all set in the UAOF universe (not required pre-reading, but could be helpful)





	Uncanny Accuracy of Fate One-Shots

   “It’s not that–I don’t want to kill myself.” As these words leave my mouth, I see Pippa visibly relax, but I force myself to finish my thought. “But, I don’t really want to be alive either.” I’ve fixed my eyes on the fraying edge of the couch we’re sitting on, and part of me is hoping she won’t hear me and this can all be over, but her sharp intake of breath tells me otherwise. There’s a couple seconds of silence, and then I feel Pippa’s arms around me, pulling me into her chest.

   “Cam, sweet girl. We’re gonna get you through this.” With my head resting under Pippa’s chin, this is the safest I’ve felt in weeks, and for some reason this is what finally sends me over the edge. The tears that I’ve been holding back for so long finally escape, and I wind my hands into the fabric of Pippa’s hoodie in an attempt to stop their ceaseless shaking. I can’t really hear what Pippa’s saying over the blood rushing in my ears, but the vibration as she murmurs against the top of my head is soothing, and I can feel myself slowly relaxing.

   “I could tell something was wrong, do you know that? That’s why I wanted you to come over tonight. You’ve been quiet on the phone, and I get nervous with you away at school. I was worried.” Pippa grasps my hands, rubbing the backs of them with her thumbs. She looks concerned, and I can practically hear all the questions she’s afraid to ask racing through her head.

   “You can ask me, you know.”

   “What?” One carefully manicured eyebrow shoots up, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t really need clarification.

   “Whatever you need to. Or want to, I guess? I’m not gonna get mad.” Pippa nods, separating our hands to pull me close beside her.

   “Okay. Have you thought about, or decided, how you would do it?”

   “Pills, I guess. My antidepressants, or pain meds from getting my wisdom teeth out. But I know OD’ing has a really low success rate. I don’t know. You’re more likely just to fuck up your liver than actually…you know.” Pippa pulls me even closer to her.

   “So you have what you need? Do you have a date?” I can hear the tears welling up in her eyes, and I’m hit with a sudden wave of guilt.

   “No, I told you. I don’t want to do it. I just don’t know how not to.” I pull away and start pacing, tracking my progress along the coffee table in Pippa’s apartment’s tiny living room.    “I’m not selfish. I don’t want to hurt other people, but it hurts so fucking much and I don’t know what to do and I’m so sorry Pippa, this is all so much, I’m sorry–”

   An all-too familiar buzz of panic starts building up in my chest, and my hands and feet start tingling as I feel my breath get caught in my throat.

    “Cami. Love bug, listen to me, please. Can we breathe together?” I think I’m nodding, but I don’t really know because everything is loud and I have to shut my eyes. I feel Pippa wrap her hands around mine and take a step towards me so my forehead is pressed against her shoulder.

    “In for four, out for four. You can do it. You’re okay.” I can hear her breath, clear and even, but mine remains jagged even as I count with her. Suddenly, the tingling in my hands picks up and everything goes sideways for a second as my legs lose the ability to hold me up. Pippa deftly catches me, sitting me down on the couch and rummaging in her bag for a second before handing me a water bottle.

  “Drink. Breathe. Calm down.” Everything’s still a little fuzzy, but the cool water against my throat pulls the scattered pieces of my brain back together as I finally get my breathing back under control.

   “I’m so proud of you, do you know that?” Sure that I’ve misheard her, I glance up doubtfully.

   “You don’t have to say that.” But Pippa shakes her head, her dark hair falling out of its hasty bun.

    “Cam. What you’re doing, asking for help, admitting something’s wrong? This is so brave. You have taken such a huge step tonight. Let me be proud.” I don’t really know how to reply to this, and the lump in my throat is swelling again, so instead I put my head on Pippa’s shoulder. She rests her head on mine, bringing her hand up to brush my hair out of my face. “You’re a fighter. And you can do this. I promise you.”

   Tears are streaming down my cheeks again, but I find it a little easier to smile through them this time. “Thank you. For everything.” Pippa kisses the top of my head.

   “Of course.” Then, like the human whirlwind she is, she whisks into the kitchen, insisting that I try her ‘new absolute favorite tea’. When Pippa leaves the room, I’m left alone with my thoughts again, and an all-too familiar one creeps into the back of my head.

   _Why’d you tell her that she always has to take care of you stop being so weak…_ NO!

   I half-expect Pippa to come running out of the kitchen with the volume that I hear myself yell in, then realize it was just internal. Sitting up a little straighter, I force the thoughts out of my mind, replacing them with Pippa’s words from earlier.

   “You can do this. You’re okay. We’re gonna get you through this.”

   And I don’t know if it’s Pippa’s voice or the sheer power of positive thinking, but when Pippa comes in and hands me my favorite mug (the orange one with sheep on it), I gather up all my courage and grab her hand.

   “Pip?” She looks over at me and cocks an eyebrow, a silent encouragement. “I think I’m going to be okay.” A wide smile slowly spreads across her face, and she squeezes my hand tightly.

   “Cam, I’ve been telling you that for years.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for vanishing off the face of the earth. But I'm back, fingers crossed!


End file.
